Five reasons why you should NEVER visit Tucson

Please, if you make just one life decision today, let it be to NEVER visit Tucson!

Tucson. Arizona’s second largest city and praised for its sunshine, good food and nature trails. So why would you ever want to visit?

Awful weather

In all seriousness, it’s best to avoid ‘The Old Pueblo’ if you hate heat and sunshine. (Yes, I accept there are a few of you out there who exist). With an estimated 350 days of sunshine a year and temperatures rarely dipping below the mid-teens even in winter, the heat and sunshine of Tucson are what draws many retirees – so-called ‘snowbirds’ – to the city each year.

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So much sun! (weather.com)

But who really wants a great tan, healthy skin and lots of dopamine promoting vitamin-D? I’d much rather be wrapped up in blankets, faced with a grey British sky and turning up the heating at the end of April.

Disgusting food

Due to Tucson’s location and varied history, the city has been overrun with a range of cheap, considered ‘tasty’ Mexican-inspired dishes. Think authentic tacos, tamales and quesadillas – all washed down with budget-friendly beer and cocktails.

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Greek food in a Hispanic city – what?!
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The American classic
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An authentic Mexican breakfast

Alongside the tiresomely spicy cuisine, are also flavours from all over the world. Historic Fourth Avenue is home to a Greek restaurant, burger joints, Italian dishes, you name it.

Five best ‘local cuisine’ restaurants in Tucson, according to TripAdvisor

Tucson Tamale Company (£)

Cafe A La C-art (££-£££)

Bobo’s Restaurant (£)

Prep & Pastry (££-£££)

5 Points Market and Restaurant (££-£££)

But gosh, it’s all just too much choice. Give me an overpriced, overcooked and flavourless carvery any day of the week.

Boring natural environment

Tucson is in the middle of the desert – the dry, dull, empty Sonoran desert. Who would want to go there? Aside from the fascinating landscape, splendid flora and exciting mix of animals, there is really nothing to see here. Avoid the Saguaro National Park at all costs, if you can.

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Blue skies, trees, sun…ugh!
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Hating the mountain trek
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Nothing to see here
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See how unhappy he looks!

If you’re actually a fan of dust and cacti, then don’t worry, you’re certain to hate Tucson’s other natural feature – the Catalina mountains. Trek for hours and you still won’t get anywhere but simply further along this neverending mountain range.

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Another bloody cacti

Yes, it may offer ‘spectacular’ views of the contrasting city and desert below, but who wants to see that? Who wants to be surrounded by nature armed with only a backpack? It’s probably too hot to trek the trails anyway.

Arizona is average 

Arizona – the land of the Grand Canyon, half of Monument Valley and an endless list of canyons, lakes,  historic towns and cacti.

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An endless expanse of nothingness – the Grand Canyon
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Certainly not in Arizona
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A lake in Arizona? Never!

As previously mentioned, Tucson is the state of Arizona’s second biggest city. However, if you know Arizona, you know that’s not a big or proud thing to be.

If you don’t fancy the gruelling five-hour drive up to the Grand Canyon, then there really isn’t much for you to do near Tucson. The limestone passages of the Kartchner Caverns? Cold and wet. The iconic cowboy town of Tombstone? Busy and overrated. The ‘white dove of the desert’ San Xavier del Bac? Dull Spanish colonial architecture.

 

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Old and dull
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So inauthentic
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More hills – really?
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What a horrible day out

Save your pennies and go somewhere truly authentic – Los Angeles.

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That’s better…

Long-winded history and uninteresting community

According to historians and my university history professor, Tucson has a fascinating past.

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Nothing impressive

Many cultures have occupied the city and each, in turn, added their own stamp to the area. It’s been fought over, passed from country to country, and was a staple of the railway plight in the West. How exhausting!

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Artwork on the streets of Nogales, Mexico

Of course, with the merge of histories comes the merge of communities. Tucson is now home to confusing mix of Mexican-American, Anglo-American and even Chinese communities. Unable to truly eradicate this boring past, the Hispanic buildings and artwork can still be seen proudly around the city, whilst the University of Arizona has brought with it palm-trees, good coffee and green spaces that resemble something more at home in neighbouring California.

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Tucson fashion week – who’d have thought it?

The people are friendly, but as Brits, we know that should be met with caution. I don’t want to be told to ‘have a nice day’ after I’ve bought my ice-tea, thank you very much!

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The Day of the Dead festival…
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…the largest in the USA

I hope I’ve deterred you from visiting the city of Tucson. I spent a long, uneventful four months living in Tucson, and definitely won’t be going back anytime soon.

Just ignore my Skyscanner price alert…

 

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“Oh, why did I come here..?”

Have you been to Tucson? What did you think of the city? Let me know in the comments! 

You may also like…

Why you should visit Monument Valley

10 photos that prove the Grand Canyon is the best place on Earth

Halfway there and I can already feel the ‘Tucson blues’ 

The San Xavier Mission – Tucson 

Weekends in Arizona: The Kartchner Caverns & Tombstone 

In and around Tucson: Hiking Mt Lemmon 

All images are my own unless otherwise stated

10 thoughts on “Five reasons why you should NEVER visit Tucson

  1. Love the sarcasm… it makes your blog post unique from all the other sites out there. Including mine. Great read.

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  2. LOL! I love your writing style! Quite the sense of humor. I have visited Tucson before and love the weather. I don’t think I’d trade it for some place more “authentic”. I really want to return to do some hiking, albeit in winter!

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  3. Oh god it looks terrible, how did you cope with all that boring sun, food and culture. Ugh! – I absolutely loved this post, I certainly had a few laughs.

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  4. Thank you for giving me a laugh today! I actually needed it (teething baby!) You make this post unique and different from so many out there.

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  5. Haha, I like what you’ve done with this post! 🙂 I love mexican food so Tucson would definitely be a place I’d consider visiting if I’ll travel to america.

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  6. I am just in love with your writing style.I was at my wits end for a while after going through the title of this article.. 😉 But after completing it I am so ammused to know much about the amazing part of US…

    Like

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